My sorrow
by Evelienhs
Summary: All of The Netherlands his sorrow.


**Its finished! Oh my god! Q^Q I wanted to do this for so freaking long!**

**This my lollypopkittens is a one-shot about The Netherlands and all his sorrow**

**Warnings: Light Yaoi, Hurt/Comfort, A little gore and Horror if you want to take it that way. Some really light fluff and simply to much historical information!**

**Indy = Indonesia,**

**Bella = Belgium**

**Luxemburg = well Luxemburg…. **

**Francis = France (republic France in this fic) **

**And Matthew = Canada**

**I don't own a thing, and this is nonBeta**

**Read the AN at the end if you want to understand this drabble about my country…**

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><p>Falling into darkness.<p>

That was the only way to describe this feeling.

Lars laid in his oversized bed, his eyes closed listening to the sounds around him.

The faucet that already leaked for what felt like centuries suddenly sounded deafening loud. While he laid there memories started to come back, perhaps they were brought up by the sound of the water softly falling and the perfect shape of a drop shattering into millions of little peaces that the human eye can't see, perhaps only feel.

_There he stood, looking at what was his. His country. His kingdom. _

_Suddenly he laughed. Yes this was his, all his! No country would be strong enough to take it away from him. He didn't pay attention to the shivering girl at his feet, but suddenly she made a sobbing sound. Lars reached down and grabbed her at her long brown hair. "What is it Indy? Aren't you happy that I am here to help you?" He asked, his voice sounded so sweet almost caring._

"_N-no, I-its not that" The girl whispered while she looked away. "Then tell me why are you crying?" Lars smiled at her and the girl took a deep breath. "I-it hurts"_

_With one swift motion the girl was thrown on the ground. "That's not my problem Indy, its your job to manage in this cruel world. I can only help you a little bit, pain is something you need to overcome yourself" _

_He started walking away, leaving the girl broken on the ground. "Oh, Indy make sure you pay your taxes on time next time." He looked back and smiled. "You know how many crops I want from you" _

_The girl cried even harder when she heard that. "B-but, you k-know I can't!" He said between her sobs. "And you know that, that isn't my problem!" Lars laughed while he snapped with his fingers, signalling his men that he was ready to go. _

_While he walked away he pretended that he didn't hear the screams of pain that shattered the beautiful silence of the island. _

_The screams that his new colony was giving. _

Lars hid his face in his hands, ashamed for what he had done back then. Poor Indy, how could he force her to do that! Of course years later he apologized for all that he had done.

But it still felt like it wasn't enough.

Still troubled by his conscience Lars tried to fall asleep when the fire that had been burning in the fireplace died and he had to get up to start it again.

When the fire was alive ones more he looked at the flames, drowning in them.

_The orange colour was beautiful, it truly was! _

_Lars looked while the flames ate the village. The screams of dying men and women sounded like music to his ears. He laughed, and laughed while the village burned. _

"_What are you doing!" someone screamed. _

_It was one of his captains. Who looked at Lars with big eyes full of fear. _

"_they were foolish, they disserved to die" Someone behind Lars spat to the captain.  
>"Who decided that!" the captain screamed. "I did" Lars grabbed the man at the collar. "And who are you to disobey my orders?" He jelled in the man's face. "Someone with a soul" The man whispered back. <em>

_Within one second the man fell on the ground, death. Lars his sword still sticking in his lifeless body. "May your soul go to heaven then" Lars smiled manically and he turned back to the burning village and the other man who stood behind him all this time. _

"_Good work" Lars smiled to the man. "Lets see what the English think of this!" _

_The man only nodded while Lars looked around him. The ones so pretty green land had turned into a black and burned lifeless island. _

_As Lars laughed for his small victory, he could swear that he heard the angry voice of England who cursed him to hell. _

_Oh yes, orange was a beautiful colour indeed. _

Lars looked at his hands, seeing the orange colour from the flames dancing on his flesh. _Oh mijn god_! What had he done?

He jumped up, stumbled backwards and fell on his bed. Here he stayed lying, eyes open looking at the ceiling.

Suddenly a sharp pain shot through his body.

Like always it felt like he was burning from the inside out, and like always he couldn't help it.

He screamed.

_The whip came down with a bang. When it touched his skin it ripped right through it. _

_His screams got lost in the dark room._

_Bang _

_Another piece of flesh gone. _

"_Waarom!" He cried out. His vision blurred with tears that he tried to hold back._

"_Why you ask? Why did you betray us?" A woman looked at him, but she wasn't just a woman. She was his Princess. _

"_I didn't betray you!" He jelled. The whip came down another time making him scream once again._

"_LIAR" She screamed kicking him in his face. _

_Suddenly it was like something inside him snapped. "Perhaps you think you are something but you're just a stupid girl." He smiled and for a second he couldn't feel the sharp pain of the whip coming down. _

_Another kick in his face. _

"_What kind of princes are you when you need the help of your brother to keep your people silent?"_

"_Make him stop! Make him stop!" The woman screamed. Lars could only laugh, laugh because of her stupidity. It didn't matter if his people didn't got what they wanted this day, it didn't even matter if they got it this year! He was sure of the fact that they would get it one day and that believe was the strength behind the movement that was going on right now. _

_The whip came down a couple more times, but this time with more force. _

_At some point Lars lost count and he got surrounded by darkness. _

_When he woke up he had no idea how long he had been out. And when he stayed awake he had no clue how long he laid there, perhaps he was bleeding to death it didn't matter anymore. Fire burned inside him like a fever and in those dark moments he wanted to die._

_But he got saved. _

_Saved by soft, yet strong hands that belonged to the blond man that stood there smiling to him._

"_Welcome back, Lars" _

_Lars softly smiled back before replying, "So they did help you" _

_The man laughed "Yes they did! But my people did most of it."_

"_I figured" The man picked him up softly and carried him out of the basement that he had been locked up in for so long. _

"_How should I call you now?" Lars asked. _

"_republic France would do" The man laughed, Again._

"_You look happy to be free at last" Lars said with a sad smile playing on his lips. "I'm sure you would look the same when this is finished" Francis grabbed Lars his hand. "Hold on little one" He kissed it lightly before letting it go. "I will" _

_Lars saw how Francis walked away, leaving him to drown inside the darkness. "Francis?" He called. _

_The Frenchman turned around worry in his eyes. "Yes?"_

_Lars swallowed. "Thank you for helping me"_

_Francis only nodded before walking away for real this time. The image his body was swallowed by darkness. And the last thing Lars thought before falling away was how stupid he was, because he couldn't tell Francis how he truly felt about him._

The pain disappeared just as quickly as it came. Lars didn't dare to move, afraid for the pain that might come when he did.

Tears where running down his face.

_He laid in the field of tulips. He had screamed until his throat got hoarse and cried until all his tears where shed. _

"_Broer?" Suddenly he heard the voice of his sister calling for him. "Bella!" He tried to scream, he tried to warn her but he couldn't. His soft voice got carried away with the wind and it would never reach the ears of his sister. _

_He had to watch how she got thrown to the ground. She simply couldn't stand so much force. "Bella! Lars!" Oh no! Luxemburg came running to them. Why?_

_WHY? _

_Lars was helpless. He couldn't do anything to defend his sisters, he saw how Germany crushed them. "Lars do something!" Bella screamed while she tried to defend her own country. _

"_I cant" He whispered. "Why not?" Luxemburg screamed. _

"_I need to trade if I want my country to stay healthy" He saw the hurt in the eyes of his sisters. Perhaps it was the last thing what he saw of them before he turned around and ran away._

Lars looked at his shaking hands, when he thought of it he hadn't done many good things in his live. Perhaps it would be better if it simply all ended.  
>He sighted and crawled under the covers of his bed, and it was most likely that he would have stayed there if it wasn't for that one sound.<p>

That sound that gave him hope.

The sound of an opening door.

He looked up from under the covers, and was greeted by a simply beautiful view.

"Good morning Lars" Matthew came walking into their bedroom, holding a tray with breakfast on it steadily in his hands.

"M-morning Matthew" Lars hoped that his voice was steady and that it didn't betray his mood.

He was lucky, or perhaps Matthew knew of his sorrow but made the choice not to tell him.

Matthew loved him, the way he was. And Lars was grateful for that.

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><p><strong>So here is the AN Get ready people :'D <strong>

**Memory 1:**

**I think that you know about the VOC, if you don't the VOC was the Dutch sailing company. The VOC traded spices and goods from mostly Africa and Asia. **

**The Netherlands made Indonesia their colony when they found that they had the spices that the VOC traded. When they did this no one else could trade with Indonesia and so they kept ahead of England and Spain.**

**I'm not going to bore you with a five-page-counting story about how The Netherlands was cruel and forced Indonesia to do all kinds of impossible stuff, so I will keep it short. **

**Indonesia's taxes needed to be paid in the shape of crops of all different kinds. These taxes were so high that the Indonesians didn't have enough to eat.**

**There were also a lot of Dutchmen who moved to Indonesia to enjoy the nice weather there. When they came on the island they behaved like they were gods, they where cruel to the original inhabitants and started to poison the once so beautiful land. **

**But of course the Indonesians kicked our ass later ;') **

**Memory 2:**

**Our mess-up on the Banda Islands… I just had to write about it because its such a horrible thing that happened back then! **

**Good the VOC wanted triads with the Banda Islands but they weren't used to the fact that the people who lived there wanted good products in return! The English paid them with weapons, powder and lead. But the Dutchmen needed the triads and so… .Gosh this is hard to write. **

**They murdered almost the complete population. Jan Pieterszoon Coen (The other man in the memory, not the man who gets killed) was the reason why this all happened, he was the one who started the operation….. **

**I feel sick when I think of it. **

**Memory 3:**

**The Dutch revolution, the Dutch revolution was even before the French one. But our first try didn't work. The woman in this memory is the Dutch Princess of that time. When she found out that the people wanted her and her husband death she wrote a letter to her brother, the king of (And this is where the story gets troublesome. Some books say that her brother was the king of Austria and some say he was the king of Prussia…. So to be honest I've got no idea! So I simply didn't put anyone in the story who is handling the whip!) **

**This king sent an army into The Netherland who successfully got rid of the 'patrioten' as they were called.**

**Most of them fled to France to help them in the French revolution. In return some Frenchmen came back with them to The Netherlands to help them win the Dutch revolution! That's why there is a little thing going on between France and The Netherlands in this.**

**Memory 4:**

**Yes we are traders at heart. So that's why The Netherlands didn't do anything when Belgium and Luxemburg got attracted in WW1. Trades with England AND Germany were way more important. **

**Hope you enjoyed this Fanfiction and if you want longer information about all the shit that's going on in this. Please PM me **

**Oh and don't forget to review it makes me feel loved :'3 **


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